so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
