apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
