It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
