did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She bit a glass in half.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
