Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
