I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize