I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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