i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
