OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
