Taylor Swift is so right about you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
