Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
