I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i now understand why vodka
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
