fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
