My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
