i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
