I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
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