What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize