i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
