I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
