Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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