im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
