Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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