Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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