Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
