yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
