This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
