Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
