hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
