don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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