Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
