how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
