Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
smell my finger.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
