I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
