If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
