Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
