i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
