Umm I'm too high to move.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
