It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't turn off my feet"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
