just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
