Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
