Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
