I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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