i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
