the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This baby is an asshole
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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