I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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