Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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