I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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