i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
