She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
