I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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