I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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