I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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