Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
