I'm eating all of the evidence.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
