Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
