During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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