Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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