i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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