**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
