when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
