dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
