i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
