i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
