no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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