All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
