matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
