Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
