Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Say something about gay babies.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
