so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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