I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
