Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize