The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
