??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there's paper in my vomit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
