Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
